[New Improved Editorial Note, June 14, 2018: Holy Mother of Goats, I am an idiot! As you read, if you read, this post, not that I recommend it, please mentally replace the word "Zoloft" with "Ambien" everywhere it occurs in this post. I am also on Zoloft, but as prescribed by my psychiatrist, not my PC. I don't even have a PC any more. He moved. I meet a new one next month, because this is all information of vital interest to everyone!]
[Editorial Note: I just noticed that this blog entry is virtually identical in content to the immediately previous one. Well, damn it, I put in the time, so it stays, and stands as more evidence that I am, pretty much literally, losing my mind.]
At my annual wellness exam, my primary care physician made it clear that what I have been doing to get myself to sleep for the past few years is dangerous, likely responsible for my recent problems with equilibrium, memory, and general cognition, and a suspected contributor to risk of developing Dementia.
Fine talk from the very doctor who prescribed enough Zoloft for daily use when my chart already showed that I was on high doses of another Benzodiazepine. Yet, it is still my fault that I, against all warnings, added alcohol to the mix.
Clearly, at some level, I knew what I was doing. After all, for awhile my nightcap to accompany Zoloft, Clonazepam, and sometimes Diphenhydramine (Benadryl) was my favorite skull mug filled with a combination of Nyquil, Vodka, Kool-Aid, "Rescue Remedy" and whatever else struck my fancy. I called it "Death Grog" so, yeah, that's on me. Those are years without a lot of memories attached.
Essentially, what I was doing to get to sleep was roughly equivalent to what some people do to try to end their lives.
This led, of course, to stumbling sleepily through mind-fogged days, and a lot of napping. When I was needed to be awake for some task, usually driving, my drug of choice was Monster energy drinks, sometimes two or more a day.
The vicious cycle this creates led to mental health symptoms that somewhat resembled Bipolar Syndrome, and more. Alternately spazzy, irritable, prone to panic, cognitive deficits, and almost catatonic periods of disassociation. That's probably not a complete list.
So, here's the good news. Dropping Zoloft cold turkey seems to have no withdrawal symptoms. I have long since abandoned Nyquil and Benadryl. Eliminating bedtime alcohol and drastic reduction of caffeine intake, have all, one week into the process, proven easy. I no longer have difficulties with maintaining wakefulness, so long as I am allowed to follow my natural sleep patterns (roughly 4AM to Noon), and my moods swings are less extreme.
Not to worry, I am still beset with depression and anxiety. I feel completely worthless and unworthy, and can't handle noisy, bright, crowded situations, or any kind of direct interaction with people that lasts more than a few seconds.
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