So my dental student* saw a couple of funny looking spots on the inside of my mouth and was suddenly talking about mouth cancer and taking photos and measurements to compare later.
I almost said, really wanted to say, but did not say, something I like to imagine would have been something very much like the following:
Mouth cancer? Let's not get too excited about that until I get my colonoscopy. I'm pretty sure after that I'm going to have bigger things to worry about than maybe mouth cancer. I'm pretty sure, dead or alive, coming back to check the size of little spots in my mouth will not be a high priority for me.
I haven't had a solid bowel movement in at least 5 years, maybe much longer than that. I am terrible with time. My last colonoscopy had to be at least 10 years ago. This one promises to be a spectacular horror show. I don't want sections of my bowels removed to save me from cancer only to kill me with sepsis before I ever have a chance to be even briefly ambulatory again.
*"my dental student" may be phrasing that is easy to misunderstand. I am not teaching dentistry. I am receiving dental treatment at a University dental clinic which uses students as the primary perpetrators, lightly supervised by experienced faculty. I would prefer this model of "care" for all forms of medical treatment, were it convenient and available in my area; explaining why is what folks call "a whole 'nother story".