Not suicidal, just done. Done with tests with results I cannot understand and which are not explained. Done with worrying about when and how I will die. Done with trying to estimate my worth, past, present or future. I'll keep taking medications as prescribed, showing up to appointments as scheduled, but I will no longer complain of symptoms or concerns that might lead to more tests. I am sick of tests and none of them will change anything. I'm too old for a lifestyle change, and I don't want to fight the reaper with Big Pharma or Big Medicine any more than I already am. I am so tired. I am so stupid. I am so tired of being stupid. I wanted so bad to be smart that I convinced myself that I was, but I'm not that young any more.
[Editorial Update: Stupidity proven by the fact that, despite compulsively re-reading my own blog entries, it took me at least three or four reads to notice I had used "told" where "old" was intended.]
No comments:
Post a Comment