A quick update, now that I am more certain about being clean of SSRI meds.
I feel, in bulk, remarkably similar to how I felt when I was on my maximum dosage, which is what I expected, and why I decided to taper off and cease using the drug.
There are a few differences:
I can cry again, in situations which seem appropriate.
I need to apply more conscious effort to avoiding reacting to stimuli in a negative manner.
Um... that's really it.
Things for which I had hoped, but which have not happened:
My urge to sing, while enjoying a slight resurgence during the dosage decrease, has not returned
My libido remains dead, with all of the negatives and positives that come with that
Despite remaining on my anti-anxiety medication, I have had an increase in anxiety-related symptoms
Social Inertia remains solidly the same
I guess that is enough information for now.
Well, there is this strangeness: my dreams have changed.
While on the SSRI meds, and historically previous to even starting them, my dreams tended to be generally abstract and escapist. Most occurred in alternate realities which are not easily described while in the waking world of this reality. No fear or other anxiety occurred in these dreams, no matter how strange they may have seemed upon awakening. If a dream was ever ever slightly relatable to my perceived real world, I would consistently be inhabiting a much younger version of myself within the dream.
Now, my dreams are both mundane and horrible, like an amplified version of my perceived waking reality. Every dream is about being inadequate and actively unloved by others. I am more often than not self-perceived as a person of my own age and physical limitations, or an exaggeration of the same. Sleep is no longer an escape, and possibly due to this, my sleep patterns have become increasingly fragmented.
I guess that is too much information for now.